With the blink of an eye, a year had come and passed. It was a short year, yet it was probably the year that held the most change. I had fallen in love, experienced true heartache, graduated high school, and picked a college. I was on the brink of adulthood.
The bulk of that school year was spent attempting to mend my broken heart. Jessica and I began to hang out a lot and we would spend hours giggling about the crazy events we had been through and all of the stupidity that surrounded us at school. I used to pull her out of class and we would go down to the band room and gossip for her entire class period. We used to discuss what happened that summer and we came to the revelation that Ryan was just plain stupid. I desperately wanted to believe that, but my heart was still aching for him.
Instead of moping about Ryan, I feverishly began practicing my horn. I wanted to be a solo artist. I told myself tht musicians had no time for love. I had scholarship auditions at Ohio State, Kent State, The University of Akron, and Ohio University. My future was on the line. I knew that if I didn't get any money from a university, I would be unable to go. My heart was set on attending The Ohio State University. Although I did get accepted to the university, sadly enough I didn't get any money. My dreams were crushed. This only added to my heartache....
Jessica convinced me that not getting any money to go to OSU was not the end of the world. She asked me where I ended up getting the most money. It was at Kent State. I really didn't have my heart set on going to Kent. It was where everyone in my family went to school. I wanted to go elsewhere. I thought I was better than crummy old KSU. Jessica then brought up the fact how we could be roomies. This quickly changed my tune...
So there. It was set in stone. That fall I was going to attend Kent State on a music scholarship and was set to room with Jessica. We spent most of that summer doing one of three things:
1) working our respective jobs
2) driving around aimlessley in my geo metro
3) paying way too much for frappucinos at Starbucks (I now despise the thought of spending almost four dollars on ice coffee!!)
That summer we decided to go to that same Italian American Festival that brought so much promise from the year before. I thought maybe, just maybe, we would run into Ryan. I wanted to appologize for my outburst at that kiosk in the mall. I wanted him to forgive me and take me back so we could have another memorable summer.
I will never forget that day. It was hot as balls outside. Jessica and I were so determined to get there and have our pasta and cream puff the size of our head. I told her how I really wanted to see Ryan. She told me not to get so wrapped up in him and to let go so we could have a good time. I still told her to keep an eye out for him. After all, he did say that he rollerbladed to the festival every year.
I ended up having a great time. We walked around and acted like loud and crazy school girls. We mocked every high maitenance bimbo and her stupid guido boyfriend attached to her arm. We sang songs at the top of our lungs. We were girls on the brink of adulthood. This was our last harrah!
But one thing was missing, neither of us were in love.
We then stared around at all of the couples scattered about the festivities. We became rather jaded. My hopes of seeing Ryan were crushed. We then decided to bail. We got in my green geo and drove. We headed for starbucks. Jessica then began to sing a 15 minute song about being jaded by testosterone. It became our angsty theme. I will never forget that.
A month later we packed up for college. The night before I realized that my life would no longer be the same. It was time to put Ryan to rest. My whole life was ahead of me. There would be no more acting outlandish at festivals. There would be no more getting sad about being "jaded by testosterone." Hard work and studying was in my imediate future. When did life get so technical? At that moment I realized it was the end of my childhood innocence and the beginning of adulthood.