A day in the life of an Ohioan turned New Yorker
Published on November 19, 2005 By alison watkins In Personal Relationships
In case you did not know, supermodel Tyra Banks now hosts a talk show. Yesterday I was watcing and what was said really astounded me. I think it may have been a life changing experience....all from watching a silly talk show.

Women. We are the nurturers of the universe. We can be creaters, lovers, workers, fighters, sexy, crazy, and so on and so forth all in the blink of an eye. Thanks to our founding foremothers, we have the power to do just about anything to make this world a better place.

Sometimes our powers can also not work out for the best

Due to many reasons, women, myself included, also have the power to be angry, catty, vendictive, sour, envious, unfriendly, begrudging, well, that list can also go on. When that list rears it's ugly head, the claws come out.

As some of you know, or may not know, I do not make friends easily. When I do make friends, chances are it's with a guy before a girl. Sometimes I used to think it was because I had more in common with the guy. Afterall, I am pretty low matenience, I like sports, I like to drink beer now and then, and I'm just not that into shoes and purses.

Then one day someone told me to listen to myself talk.

There's a female aquetience of mine that every guy I know just drools when she walks into a room. I recall one night just hanging out and watching football at our apartment with some friends, and somebody had started to talk about her. They rambling on about how her band got a record deal.

I then said,

"Well it definatley can't be based on talent, it has to be because of her beer flavored titties." (meaning that everyone would flock to her and give her attention because her tits are beer flavored).

All of the guys then started to defend her. They chatted about, claiming how she was just the most talented and gorgeous thing ever. I began to get rather angry. I mean, sure she's a pretty girl, but pretty girls have no substance. They don't care about her mind, they just care about what she looks like. I then got angry, went to the bedroom, and decided it was time for bed.

Shortly after the party ended, Hardin came in the room and layed down beside me. He then said, "Well, your claws came out, now didn't they?"

I tried to defend myself. I stated how no one ever cares unless you are a pretty girl. I then began to ramble on about how I wished I was stupid and gorgeous, how then everybody would finally respect me.

This made Hardin rather angry. He then questioned, "Well what does my opinion matter because I think you are both beautiful and smart."

He then blurted something about jealousy, but I tuned it out and went to bed. The truth is, of course I was jealous. Of course I wanted to be the center of attention. Of course I want to get recognized for my talents. Of course I wanted to be the one with the beer flavored titties, that are of course off limits to all but one guy. I just wanted Hardin to be proud of me and my accomplishments. I mean, he's a rockstar and I'm just some school teacher. I have some shoes to fill.

I know I am not the only woman who does this. I've seen it on this site, I have close friends that do it, I have even heard my Mom do it. If we could only be proud of each other, instead of envious. Yesterday, watching the show, I realized that this behavior needs to stop. Just think, if we created an alliance; a sisterhood; what we could accomplish together.

Comments (Page 2)
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on Nov 19, 2005
It does not mean we dont have it, it just means we dont act it out


so you guys just keep it to yourselves? you stew on it? huh. come to think of it, i HAVE noticed that. There was a guy that I used to work for that I'd talk about fairly regularly, and Dave used to either not say much or would snap about how he was trying to concentrate/read/listen to/watch something and my yammering was distracting him. Was that the guy version of cattiness?
on Nov 19, 2005

to all (because I think we are all on the same page):
I just think that if we stick together, rather than sabatoge eachother through ruining marriages and other personal attacks, that women can just rise above all of this petty crap. I just don't understand why some women do this to each other. Shouldn't we be proud of each other as a whole?


Hmmmm...I *do* have some girlfriends, but they're spread out through the country, and we keep in touch via email or blogs, mostly. It makes me feel very disconnected from them. To be honest, I'd love to have a gal pal here in my town where we could go over to each other's houses, watch a chick flick or play a card game or bake together or something. I'm not a "go out and party and get laid together" kind of a "girlfriend".

I'm a "dork" kind of girlfriend. I'm also a girlfriend that not many people gravitate toward. Maybe I'm too intense or something. I have no idea.
on Nov 19, 2005
dharma:
Hardin is the same way...he'd rather talk about something else! hehe. I am trying to think what he gets pissed at...hmm...maybe if his football teams aren't winning...

Marcie:
I'm sure you'd be fun irl. I've been here for almost a year and I am still convinced that I need a female friend...I am just wondering if I'm going to find any...

on Nov 19, 2005
I'm sure you'd be fun irl. I've been here for almost a year and I am still convinced that I need a female friend...I am just wondering if I'm going to find any...


I think I am fun. I tend to be the "event planner"..."Let's go for a walk in the park!" "Let's go to the Science Museum!" "Let's go to a play!" "Let's go ice skating!" "Let's go get some damned ice cream!" I was lucky in college that most of my buddies tended to like the dorky ideas I got, and since we were all poor we made sure we hit up all the free events in the area.

The issue is no one has time. They've got kids, or husbands, or they live thousands of miles away. I'm really a loner--and I'm not used to that. It makes me very, very depressed.
on Nov 19, 2005
marcie:
I totally understand. In a college environment, I thrived....for the exact same reasons you did...for being wacky. Here, everyone is always "too busy."
on Nov 19, 2005
I'm a lot like you, alison. I'm a girly girl, but for some reason I relate better to guys. I have girlfriends that I can confide in, but I feel more comfortable sharing and yucking it up with guys.

I think cattiness is a natural reaction to feeling threatened (i.e. "no one will pay attention to me as long as SHE'S here"). I'm not a snot to other women. It's just not how I roll. Generally, I'm more of be pleasant and try to make the best of it and then make fun of them when we get home from the event kinda girl.

My husband and I have sarcasm and making fun down to an art form. And yes, I realize that it's only karma that other people do the same about me. I'm cool with that. I think it's a light-hearted way to deal with those negative feelings.
on Nov 19, 2005
tex:
I don't know what it is, but I agree, I think sometimes it's more fun to hang with the boys. Now if all the JU girls got together...that would be a different story.

I think it is all about feeling threatened. Like in my story, the attention was not on me, it was some other girl. I am such a ham like that, it's bad. I really need to get my act together.
on Nov 19, 2005
Now if all the JU girls got together...that would be a different story.


Absolutely. But you know, I attribute that mostly to the fact that we've gotten to know each other without first seeing each other. We didn't have the opportunity to prejudge each other negatively based on appearances. And that's really a beautiful thing.

That appearance-inspired cattiness really does keep us from getting to know people who whose company and conversation we would enjoy.
on Nov 19, 2005
tex:
Interesting point. Isn't it funny how that works??
on Nov 19, 2005
to all (because I think we are all on the same page):
I just think that if we stick together, rather than sabatoge eachother through ruining marriages and other personal attacks, that women can just rise above all of this petty crap. I just don't understand why some women do this to each other. Shouldn't we be proud of each other as a whole?


Alison...When I first read your article I was in total agreement with you and then one issue set me off and I became catty just like the people I don't want to be like.

I'm sorry I brought some hate on your thread.
Something I need to work on.
on Nov 19, 2005
don't know what it is, but I agree, I think sometimes it's more fun to hang with the boys.


I traditionally do better with boys than I do with girls. I dunno why.

I have noticed though, that all the chicks here that have said that they get along better with boys are women I consider to be really, really cool. Women who, if we met irl would become 'best' friends pretty quickly and easily (i hate using that term, btw. it sounds so...high school-y).

I attribute that mostly to the fact that we've gotten to know each other without first seeing each other. We didn't have the opportunity to prejudge each other negatively based on appearances. And that's really a beautiful thing.


Oh yeah. I feel like I know you girls....
on Nov 19, 2005
KellyW:
I totally understand what you're saying though. I am the same way...I think it's the other side of that story that need to be true to themselves. They are the ones filled with the hate.

Dharma:
I do find that ironic...most of us who have replied on this thread are guys' girls.

I think that if Tex, Marcie, yourself, and a few others of us went out, it would be crazy!
on Nov 19, 2005

dr guy:
so what do guys do? I honestly can't remember hardin ever dogging on some dude.

We dont for the most part.  We just suck it up and ignore them.  The opposite of love is not hate.  It is indifference.  And we have that down pretty good.

on Nov 19, 2005
dr guy:
I wonder why this is so easy for men....hmmm...Thank you for being a sport!
on Nov 19, 2005

so you guys just keep it to yourselves? you stew on it? huh. come to think of it, i HAVE noticed that. There was a guy that I used to work for that I'd talk about fairly regularly, and Dave used to either not say much or would snap about how he was trying to concentrate/read/listen to/watch something and my yammering was distracting him. Was that the guy version of cattiness?

Close, but see my response to Alison.

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